I wasn't expecting that...

Sunday, I made the trip into New York City to meet with Dr. Jaime Schehr. She is the nutritionist that works with our Crossfit gym.  I figured Jay only associates himself and his business with the best, so why not give her a shot.

I went in expecting to only be consulted on my nutrition. I thought she would go over my meal plan, make a few tweaks and then send me on my way.

I was not prepared for what really happened.

She broke me down. I was sitting in her office crying for over an hour.

Once she was finished going over my medical and food habit history, she took a turn and went straight for my sweet spot: my self worth—or lack thereof.

The entire time we were talking, she took note on more than just my nutrition. She took note on how I talked about my life, how I felt about my job and my passions. Then she came right out and said it.

“You don’t think you deserve it”

“You take care of everyone else but never stop to take care of yourself. You won’t let anyone else take care of you either”.

“I bet you don’t let anyone see you cry”

“You don’t think you’re good enough, strong enough, pretty enough”

“I bet you’ve never told anyone how you truly felt about them or their actions”

She was right on all counts. She says that my weight issues aren’t only because of what I eat. It’s because I feel like I don’t deserve to have my dream body. That is exactly how I feel.

So, what’s next? I’m getting a meal plan along with some tasks to work on each week. She is making me try new foods (I have a palate and food stubbornness of a 10 yr old), making me find my passions and hopefully so much more. I am beyond excited.

Carbs

So, I'm not sure what I wrote about in my last post but since it was from the beginning of June, I'm sure it didn't involve my new meal plan. And if it did, sue me.

I have been following this trainer on Instagram for a while and she seems to know her shit. So I saw that she sells meal plans for $30. It's cheap enough for me to give it a go without feeling ripped off if it didn't work out.

So I paid the money and got my plan and my eyes popped out of my head. For the first week she wants me eating 210g of protein, 252g of carbs and 52g of fat. As the weeks progress, the carbs drop in half and the protein dips down a bit as well.

252g of carbs?! I'm used to eating maybe 50g of carbs on a good day. So it has been a struggle for me to allow myself to pump it up x5.

Shockingly, I am still hungry all day and when I go to bed. However, my energy for the gym has improved dramatically. I feel like I could do 2 hour sessions instead of just 1. I even went running yesterday on my 'off' day.

So, so far so good.

On Sunday I am going to see a real nutritionist--you know, someone with a PhD who studied this stuff for most of her adult life. I need to know what foods I should eat. Obviously veggies, meats, etc but I'm curious to know if I have any allergies, if my body reacts better to some foods, and all that funs shit. I'm excited to get on a good path and get this fat off my body once and for all.

My boyfriend is constantly saying 'I just don't get how people cant just...eat.' He hates the trends, hate the phrases and the programs. But, some of us need different things. Some of us need to be given exact examples and exact measurements so that we don't stray too far off the path. Some of us work better under someone's watchful eye. Some of us need a little extra help cause doing it on our own isn't exactly working out. He gets so annoyed with me so I try not to talk about it much with him. That's what a blog is for anyway, right??

Oh, hey June.

Where the hell has the time been going? I feel like this year is flying by...a little faster than I'd like too.

Weightlifting club has been AMAZING. I've been able to open up, be myself and make some serious gains. This is our last week :-( but I was happy to find out that Coach Ryan will be programming for us so it's not technically over. Over these past few weeks, I've come to realize how much I really love Olympic lifting.

Bye bye performance workouts. You will not be missed...

Also, we are starting a CFM Weightlifting team and will eventually be competing?? What? D'okay. I'm no where near where I need to be in terms of strength....or physical looks (singlets aren't flattering even on the greatest looking bodies) but I am ready to get to that point.


Next topic: Weight loss contests. I'm fucking done with them. All they do is stress me out and make me depressed. And you know what I do when I get stressed and depressed? Fucking eat. So I am done doing them.

I entered a diet bet where you pay $25 to the main pot and all the people who lose 4% of their body weight get to split the pot. Right now, the pot is at $19,600. And I'm pretty positive that I will be out the $25. I was doing FANTASTIC before the bet started. Its been a shit show ever since. I have issues.

ADIDAS

All. Day. I. Dream. About. Snatches.

That could come off as pretty perverted, depending on your level of maturity. Mine is at about a 3 out of 10 so it made me chuckle.

But anyway...

Last night we had a max weight night of snatches. I PR'd...not by much...but I'll take it. I still need some work on my form. I have an issue with not opening up my hips all the way. I think if I got that part down, I would be unstoppable. I get way too anxious about dropping under the bar and getting to that squat that I just bypass that whole important step of hip extension.

You can see how my form differs a bit from the others.

Tonight I am assuming...and hoping...that we will be getting a break from snatches. I do miss my clean and jerks.

Also have to point out how much I love my weightlifting crew. We have been having so much fun together. Dancing to old classics, making fun of other coaches and so on. I am going to be unbelievably sad when these 6 weeks are up.

I dont care, I love it.

That song is super annoying but the chorus works just perfectly for this post.

So this weekend was full of moments that really opened my eyes to what I want for my life.

It all started with one little comment from a friend on Friday night. I was at my buddy Pete’s grad party and bent over to grab the hula-hoop (yeah, we’re fucking cool kids) and complained about my back hurting. At that point, my friend asked me if it was from ‘doing those lifts that aren’t real lifts’. The comment bugged me for the rest of the night. I was offended but eventually let it go. And by eventually, I mean as of just today.

This leads me to the growing skepticism of Crossfit as a whole-- So many people are quick to judge this sport. It’s ‘cool’ to hate on Crossfit now that so many people are into it. Someone sees one video of some dude about to rip his back apart or blow out his knee and suddenly we're all lumped into the same "we act better than everyone even though we don't know what the fuck we're doing" category together. I get shit for it, my friends get shit for it, and random bloggers I follow get shit for it. Yes, the lingo is totally ridiculous. Yes, we have gyms full of douche bags who totally throw form to the side in the name of a PR. Yes, we have obnoxious fashion trends. But so does every other gym in the entire world.

There is no such thing as a perfect workout or a perfect gym or a perfect sport. But I finally found something that I love and something that I have stuck with for almost 3 solid years. I’m really starting to get fed up with having to defend it all the time. But you know what? You do you, booboo. And I’ll do me. 

Today I am no longer concerned about what others think about it. If I get shit for it again, I’m just going to let it roll off my back. I know that I have great form. I know that I get my ass handed to me in workouts and love every second of it. I know that my gym is full of incredibly knowledgeable trainers. I know that I am in the best shape of my life. And that is all I need.

I want to be on that Crossfit Games podium. After being at the regionals yesterday, I want it even more. I am sure as hell not going to let anyone or any negative comments stop me either.

*drops the mic* #hatersgonnahate

Recap

So. Updates on weightlifting club:
Last Thursday was a great day. We pulled snatches off the block and I added about 35lbs to my PR so I was stoked. I was surprised at how easy it was for me. This whole time I was terrified of going to heavy with snatches because of my wicked loose shoulders. They pop out of socket pretty easily and its not a fun feeling when it happens.

Update from the weekend:
Went up to my parents' house in New Hampshire! It was so relaxing. AND I bought myself a motorcycle...super fucking excited. Just waiting to hear back about the inspection and if all is well then it is all mine :-)

Didn't eat as horribly as I normally do when I'm up there. I got a salad instead of a giant pizza or pasta dish when we went out to dinner. Didn't buy many snacks to munch on all day. Plus, my mom and I bought ben and jerrys to share and it wasn't even gone by the time I left. And me actually leaving knowing there was still some left was a huge accomplishment. Usually I binge the day I leave to finish all the yummy snacks. Even left some chips behind!


Yesterdays lifting sesh was a bit off. We did full snatches from the ground and I wasn't feeling as strong as I did on Thursday. I got up to 105 and my shoulder was feeling a bit tweaked.

Hardest part of the workout? The warm up. He made us jump over benches. This girl was not made to be in the air. It was sad how long it took to convince myself to do it. So sad.

Weighlifting club

I've been patiently waiting for weightlifting club to start ever since Jay posted a picture about it months ago. MONTHS! Okay, maybe not that long ago...but it sure felt like it.

There are only 4 of us. 10 people signed up. And only 4 of us showed up. People's commitments are kind of sad. (I really have no right to talk...I give up on shit pretty easily)

Speaking of giving up on things-- that whole 5k every weekend is out the window. Why? Two reasons. A) It was getting expensive. $20-$35 a race doesn't sound too horrible, but doing it every week was starting to get to me. I could be saving that money for other things. Like gas. Groceries. A motorcycle. B). Now that weightlifting club has started, Coach Ryan has suggested we stray away from long distances and stick to short but fast interval work. We need to be saving our legs for the lifts.

Crossfit Endurance workouts it is! Just like I had planned. I'm so ahead of the times.

My thumbs are killing me. These new callouses are not fun. By the end of the 6 weeks, I wont be surprised if I fall asleep with my fingers in the hook grip.